Your mouth is God's brothel.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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