I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize