so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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