youre lurking in front of me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
