I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
