either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
