Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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