I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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