I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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