I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize