Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
