Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had sex on a roof
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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