I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
