soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize