i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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