we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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