girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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