Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
