put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
