So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
