I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
