im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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