Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
