ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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