I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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