I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We had to coat check the pizza.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
