He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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