Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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