i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sext me about skeletons
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
