weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize