and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
