Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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