Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
