if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So squirting runs in the family.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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