She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
