oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
