He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
