Please, let me fuck your mom
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
