i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
