Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
