Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize