Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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