I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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