oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
