why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
