Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
