first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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