I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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