When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
