I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
