Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
