I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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