my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
