wanna go halves on a baby?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
