I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
