Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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