She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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