it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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