Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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