The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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