i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We need to get me chipped asap
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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