When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize