Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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