You're completely useless in the revolution.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
