Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
