Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
