so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
