I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
