she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
