He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
