Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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