Someone shit on the floor
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
