Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
