The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
