WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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