shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
