Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
