i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
