Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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