Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
