just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
