woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize