Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
