Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
