ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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