just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
