Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
