i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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