the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
zippers are such a cool invention
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize