Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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