Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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