i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
