My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
